June262013

Part 1

This is the story of how it all began.

I remembering seeing him around the mall a couple of times. Didn’t think much of it. He didn’t look like a very happy person, though. He was always with this sickly looking girl. They seemed routinely together rather then happy. That was the time his face became known to me.
A friend of mine found an amazing girlfriend. He would always talk about how awesome she was, how sweet and outgoing, so we became friends. I met her a couple times, and it was awesome to see the both of them so happy. Then she died… I went to her funeral. I saw my friend. And I saw him. With the same girl again. I walked by them while they were smoking a cigarette. I was leaving. That was the start of a familiarity.
One day, I was scrolling througg facebook, and saw his picture under suggested people that I may know. I saw a name, finally. That name above his picture read Eric Michael Jordan. He’s very attractive, I thought. He was in a relationship, though. I respected that. I was never the kind to just flirt away with people I barely even knew.
I looked at his pictures. Pictures speak to you. They tell you what kind of person someone is. They tell stories. They tell many stories.
I was never a normal person. I could see pain in any face, a kind of loneliness. I saw it in his. Even in pictures of him and that girl. He was smiling, but it was a smile to disguise a true unhappiness and hurt.
What could possibly hurt someone so much? I never understood, but at the same time, we didn’t know each other. I saw his relationship, and it was a picture of that girl. Her name was Sarah.
I saw a picture of her with long hair, which didn’t look bad, so why would she get rid of it all, was my first impression.
I saw the statuses he would write, full of anger and hurt. The first words, the first impression I ever had of him, was the first status I ever read that was posted by him.

"Fuck love. Fuck everything. Love doesn’t fucking exist."

Why is he so unhappy, what’s wrong? I kept thinking to myself. I saw that he and I had a lot in common. We both had a lovd of the German language, and video games. I had no reason not to be social, so I messaged him one day. Speaking in German. I remember the first words we ever exchanged.

"I don’t speak German as well as I once did."
“Lol would you like me to speak English, then?”
“Sure lol”
“What’s up?”
“Just hanging out with the love of my life “

I thought, well, wow… It’s nice to see that at least there’s one thing in his life that seems decent. Little did I know.

"I know I don’t really know you, but Hi, Sarah "
“She’s leaving soon “
“Where is she going?”
“She’s leaving for the military “
“Awww, I’m sorry.. That really sucks.”

Obviously, there are things that I can’t remember word-for-word, but I do remember our conversation. The first few lines of our conversation, however, I remember almost exactly.

That was the start of our conversations. Talking to him was like nothing else. It was like a breath of fresh air. He told me how he felt, and opened up to me in such a way that we couldn’t understand why but still appreciate nonetheless.
I had a new found relationship. Her name was Monique Claire Gorman. She made me feel happy. She accepted me. She was a woman who was free spirited and totally herself. She was someone I could look up to, love, and respect. She fought a hard battle with Lymphoma, and I met her 3 months after she went into remission. Her hair was just growing back. We clicked immediately and spent the week together. We had so much fun. I knew she had a real love for me, because she would pay 20 dollars every chance she had to drive a half hour away to see me. We had a lot of fun together. It was stressful, though. My mom was kept from it, and when she found out, it ruined everything. My happiness, my hopes for happiness and a love life.
At that time, I was also starting school. So I was able to get back on a computer.
I’d look to chat with Eric right away, with every chance I got. I’d share all the hurt I felt with him. Strange part is, we both felt exactly the same way about everything that was wrong in our lives.
So the first things that bonded us together was our love for gaming and everything German, our interest in music that we loved to share with each other, and our similar feelings of heart break, and every emotion we felt and for what reasons. It was like therapy for us, and I even started calling those times our therapy session.
Whenever I was feeling something heavy on my chest, he’d be there with me to talk about it. He told me many things about him, including his daughter.

"OMG you have a daughter? "
“Mhmm “

I was instantly in shock and awe.

"What’s her name?"
“Meredith”
“I love that! How old is she??”
“She’s gonna be 2”

I looked to see if I could find a picture of her, and there were a couple of him with her. Huge blue eyes, and the face of an angelic being. What a precious looking child, I thought.
She was his world, I could immediately tell, just by the light in his words whenever he would tell me about her. I knew right then and there, this is an extraordinary child.

"I wanna meet her!!"
“Someday, you will “

I sure hope so… That would be absolutely amazing.

Talking to Eric helped me heal and feel better about the future. And at the end of every conversation, I’d conclude with

"It was lovely speaking to you as always, Eric. Have a good night "

Our conversations may have been about people and things that cause us pain, but the way we went about expressing ourselves closened us, made us more vulnerable to each other… And it was refreshing to speak to someone on such an emotional level.
Our conversations became very consistent, I couldn’t go one day without talking to Eric. If he wasn’t around, life seemed so boring. He built up my mood, made me feel happy. A good happy, like I had someone there for support. Someone who understood everything I felt as much as I did him. We spoke about hanging out a lot. I always wanted to, but never got around to it for some reason… Until one day.
I was downtown, going to a friend’s house, waiting for the bus. I saw his face. Across the street. I ran over to him and said

"I know you "

And it was like… After all this time, after all these conversations, I was finally looking at him, face to face for the first time. It was an overwhelmingly good feeling.
I bumped into him a couple other times, too.
I bought a brand new camera, and was so excited. I told him that next time we see each other, we have to take a picture together.

"We have NO pictures together! That must change! XD"
“Agreed “

October 10th, 2011 I was catching my bus home from school and bumped into him and a friend. They ran across the street to meet me. He introduced me to this female as Georgina. She was crazy looking, but very cool. I showed him my camera, turned it on and said

"Picture!!! With me! We must take picture!"

Afterward, I got on my bus, and looked at our first picture together, and he was smiling. Something that was rare.

"Who is that guy in your picture…Eric? KAITLYN HE LIKES YOU."

My mother always had a tendency of knowing when a guy liked me. She could see it in his smile.

"He’s smiling so big in this picture like he just won the lottery, Kait, I AM TELLING YOU. He liiiiikes you!"

Oh wow… I’ve never actually looked at him as a love interest before. Not there couldn’t be one, but, I don’t know. I just never thought about it. I pondered that thought in the back of my head for months, wondering what could the future hold?
I was shopping with a friend at the mall, and she said

"Kaitlyn someone’s calling your name."

I looked back, and saw Eric in the distance. He yelled my name pretty loudly, like a baby kitten would lose its life if he couldn’t manage to get my attention.
My eyes lit up when I saw that it was him, and he gave me a really big hug. I was so happy to see him.
We spoke for as long as we could before his friends managed to pull him away from me.
Another time, I was doing some shopping for some clothes. I was with a friend, but she had to leave at a certain time, because she didn’t take a bus like I did, she had a ride. Don’t even remember which friend it was, either.
Anyhow, I was walking around the mall, very bored. I ran into Eric and a different female friend that I didn’t know. He introduced her to me as Tierney. She was very cool, very pretty, and worked at JC Penney. We sat on a bench and had a conversation for a while, until a short African guy came up to me. According to his friend, he was drunk and that I should pay him no mind. He was asking me if we could date, asked for my number, telling me he wanted to party with me. It was very awkward for all of us, and I can never forget that day. After he finally walked away, I could do nothing but laugh with Eric and Tierney.

"You should have just told him that I was your boyfriend."

Boyfriend. I missed that. Having someone special like that in my life… Boyfriend.

"I should have! I just wasn’t thinking about it at all haha"

The last time I saw Eric before we began dating was late at night, around the time of year where fall started to transition into winter, the days got shorter, the nights grew colder. I was taking the bus home, and as I got off the bus, I sat on the bench. It was about 11 o’clock pm. I thought to myself

"It would be so funny if I bumped into him tonight."

At that point, I tended to catch him downtown pretty often. One of the times we spoke, he even told me

"You’ll probably catch me downtown almost every day, so you’d probably run into me on my way home."

I got up to start walking to my bus, or I was pacing up and down the sidewalk, I can’t remember. I do, however, remember turning around to see Eric approaching me. It was pitch black outside, and the street was pourly lit, so when he realized it was me, his eyes lit up, and I instantly jumped to hug him. I was so excited to see him. It was the perfect way to end my evening!

"I’m just on my way home, about to get my bus. Are you taking a bus?"
“No, I’m walking home. Was just out with some friends.”
“That really sucks that you have to walk home! It’s so cold out! I wish I had a dollar to give you, but I use a bus pass from school.”

I told him I had to get on the bus, it was about to leave, and we sadly parted ways. I sat on the bus, and as the bus passed him, I looked at him, just thinking

"What’s this weird/good feeling I keep getting?"

I got home, and was lying in bed, still thinking about my friendship with Eric Jordan.

"I…. I think… I LIKE him."

That was the first time I admitted it to myself. Aloud. I had a little girly fit, giggling with butterflies in my stomach and a little shock.

"OMG I like him."

That was when I thought to myself, let’s see where I can go with this. I’ll see… But I’m definitely going to make him mine one way or another.

A couple days later, it was Christmas. December 25th, 2011. I was at my grandmother’s house. Around 4:30 pm, things started to get a little relaxed, my family started watching movies, and I decided to get on fb to see if anyone wanted to talk.
I clicked on Eric’s chat to show up and I waited. A couple seconds later, he started typing. I knew he would start the conversation if I took too long, but this time, I waited to see for myself.

"Merry Christmas, Kaitlyn "
“Thank you! Merry Christmas!!”

We spoke for a while about all sorts of emotional things. Around 5:30, he said

"I’ll be back in about a half hour. I gotta go meet a friend at the bus stop real quick."

Dammit, noo don’t leave.

"Okay! Hurry back, I’m bored already!! Lol"

A half hour and some minutes went by, and he returned

"Hey"

Eeeee

"You were missed "
“As were you “

My stomach fluttered when I read that. We got into a question and answer conversation, and the topic of relationships came up.

"Would you ever consider dating someone like me?"

Without any hesitation what-so-ever, I immediately answered

"Yes, I would. Same question to you."
“Mhmm.”
“Wow, really?”
“Yes.”

The conversation continued, and suddenly

"So, would you be my girl?"
“Of course I would Eric.”yeh

After that, he made it official and posted our newly found relationship status, and posted a status.

"How I wish my girl was with me right now."

Aww I’ve never had guys post statuses about me. They never cared. So that kind of attention has always meant a lot to me. I had classes that Monday, so we planned to hang out that Tuesday.
That Tuesday came, and I saw Eric posted statuses and talking to his friends about how time was going by so slow and he was so excited to see me, and spend quality alone time. I thought it was beyond cute.
I wonder what will end up happening today, I kept thinking as I sifted through clothes and changed outfits multiple times. Did I want extensions today? Or keep my hair short? Nah, I want Eric to see the real me, nothing fake. So I settled with a royal blue shirt with an intricate white design, almost like a doiley design, and black jeans.
I caught the bus, and got off at the stop and waited for him. Considering I was waiting in front of a strip club, it was pretty awkward, and after some time, I started to get scared. Butterflies were on meth in my stomach, mixed with an anxious fear that he wouldn’t show up. He finally appeared, and I screamed in my mind out of excitement. I could barely contain it.
Suddenly, he came out of nowhere. I couldn’t believe the butterflies that I was feeling. I was so excited that this guy, the one who knew me so well on an emotional level, in all sorts of ways, who knows what I’ve been through, was finally mine.
We laughed about my mix-up with getting off at a bus stop too early, and started walking to his house. He held my hand, and I was so excited.

A guy who grabs for my hand first? This is awesome

"OMG you get to meet my DAD…"
“Is that BAD?! “
“Well, no… He’s just a smart ass and loves to make fun of everyone “
“Ehh, I’m not worried about it. This will be interesting haha”

We got to his house, and I sat on the couch. His dad was sitting at the computer.

"Dad, this is my girl Kaitlyn."

OMG he looks like a wizard haha

"Hellooo."

And then, she appeared. A small girl with wild hair that was curled on one side, and straight on the other. She looked at me with big blue eyes, and I couldn’t believe, that after all this time„, I was finally meeting the ever so beautiful little girl that belonged to Eric Jordan. Meredith.

"This is your daughter? Oh wow, she’s so precious!!"

We went into his room, and it was a typical messy guy’s room. He put on some music, and we layed down next to each other.
Hours went by, and we just stared into each others’ eyes.
Our faces grew closer and closer until I kissed him on the nose, and we started going back and forth until one moment.
Our lips suddenly met.
And I paused and looked at him. We smiled.
He asked me if I wanted to watch TV with him in his mom’s room. I said

"Sure!"

We layed down on her bed, one thing led to another, and we were beating each other over the head with a pillow fight. A pretty brutal pillow fight. We destroeyed his mom’s bed and there were pillows all over the floor.
We were tired, so we decided to actually lay down and relax while we watched TV. It was nice.
Everything seemed so perfect, like one of those pathetic love stories that everyone makes fun of, because it’s something no one ever experiences.
It was new and exciting. Little did I know the demons that still haunted his poor soul.
Time passed, and he made me dinner. Then his mother offered to drive me home.
As soon as I got in the front door, my mom was sitting on the couch, like she was waiting for me.

"What’s the deal with you and Eric? Are you guys dating, Kait?"

I got all excited and sat on the couch

"Let me explain EVERYTHING to you!"

I told her about everything leading up to that moment. She couldn’t believe everything. I was excited!

My mom was concerned, because I told her the situation with him and Sarah.

"Mom… He’s been so hurt by her, I really don’t think anything bad will happen… I just don’t think he will let her interfere with us."

As I said before, little did I know.

"Kaitlyn… I don’t know. He seems hung up on her. He could just go and cheat on you one day, I just don’t know. He’s not openly telling her his feelings other then the bad parts, but there’s much more to it then anger, Kaitlyn, I’m telling you. Just be careful."

I never thought I’d have to worry about that, and if the time came, I’d address the situation.

I went over his house every night, and a couple nights in, his friend Mike came over. He was really cool, and seemed familiar. We knew many mutual people from Torrington. At that time, I just knew Mike as a good friend of Eric who constantly had/smoked very amazing weed.
I’ll never forget that night, because it was the first time I ever used a bong, and Eric had to teach me how.
I was excited to learn something new, and was excited that my new boyfriend was the one to teach me.
Something really turns me on when I think of a boyfriend teaching his girl something. It’s very sexy. But I don’t mean in a sexual way. I don’t need to be taught anything.

12PM
I asked Eric to marry me in my sims. With a silver ring, his favorite metal :3 cus Im a mushball asshole lol

I asked Eric to marry me in my sims. With a silver ring, his favorite metal :3 cus Im a mushball asshole lol

12PM
June52013

The Memoirs Of Love. Pt 1 (Yes I wrote this.)

This is the story of how it all began. 

I remembering seeing him around the mall a couple of times. Didn’t think much of it. He didn’t look like a very happy person, though. He was always with this sickly looking girl. They seemed routinely together rather then happy. That was the time his face became known to me.
A friend of mine found an amazing girlfriend. He would always talked about how awesome she was, how sweet and outgoing, so we became friends. I met her a couple times, and it was awesome to see the both of them so happy. Then she died… I went to her funeral. I saw my friend. And I saw him. With the same girl again. I walked by them while they were smoking a cigarette. I was leaving. That was the start of a familiarity.
One day, I was scrolling througg facebook, and saw his picture under suggested people that I may know. I saw a name, finally. That name above his picture read Eric Michael Jordan. He’s very attractive, I thought. He was in a relationship, though. I respected that. I was never the kind to just flirt away with people I barely even knew. 
I looked at his pictures. Pictures speak to you. They tell you what kind of person someone is. They tell stories. They tell many stories.
I was never a normal person. I could see pain in any face, a kind of loneliness. I saw it in his. Even in pictures of him and that girl. He was smiling, but it was a smile to disguise a true unhappiness and hurt.
What could possibly hurt someone so much? I never understood, but at the same time, we didn’t know each other. I saw his relationship, and it was a picture of that girl. Her name was Sarah. 
I saw a picture of her with long hair, which didn’t look bad, so why would she get rid of it all, was my first impression. 
I saw the statuses he would write, full of anger and hurt. The first words, the first impression I ever had of him, was the first status I ever read that was posted by him. 

"Fuck love. Fuck everything. Love doesn’t fucking exist."

Why is he so unhappy, what’s wrong? I kept thinking to myself. I saw that he and I had a lot in common. We both had a lovd of the German language, and video games. I had no reason not to be social, so I messaged him one day. Speaking in German. I remember the first words we ever exchanged.

"I don’t speak German as well as I once did."
“Lol would you like me to speak English, then?”
“Sure lol”
“What’s up?”
“Just hanging out with the love of my life ^_^”

I thought, well, wow… It’s nice to see that at least there’s one thing in his life that seems decent. Little did I know.

"I know I don’t really know you, but Hi, Sarah :)"
“She’s leaving soon :(“
“Where is she going?”
“She’s leaving for the military :(“
“Awww, I’m sorry.. That really sucks.”

Obviously, there are things that I can’t remember word-for-word, but I do remember our conversation. The first few lines of our conversation, however, I remember almost exactly.

That was the start of our conversations. Talking to him was like nothing else. It was like a breath of fresh air. He told me how he felt, and opened up to me in such a way that we couldn’t understand why but still appreciate nonetheless. 
I had a new found relationship. Her name was Monique Claire Gorman. She made me feel happy. She accepted me. She was a woman who was free spirited and totally herself. She was someone I could look up to, love, and respect. She fought a hard battle with Lymphoma, and I met her 3 months after she went into remission. Her hair was just growing back. We clicked immediately and spent the week together. We had so much fun. I knew she had a real love for me, because she would pay 20 dollars every chance she had to drive a half hour away to see me. We had a lot of fun together. It was stressful, though. My mom was kept from it, and when she found out, it ruined everything. My happiness, my hopes for happiness and a love life. 
At that time, I was also starting school. So I was able to get back on a computer. 
I’d look to chat with Eric right away, with every chance I got. I’d share all the hurt I felt with him. Strange part is, we both felt exactly the same way about everything that was wrong in our lives. 
So the first things that bonded us together was our love for gaming and everything German, our interest in music that we loved to share with each other, and our similar feelings of heart break, and every emotion we felt and for what reasons. It was like therapy for us, and I even started calling those times our therapy session. 
Whenever I was feeling something heavy on my chest, he’d be there with me to talk about it. He told me many things about him, including his daughter. 

"OMG you have a daughter?

June32013
May142013
February152013

In the words of my princess, “IM NOT BLACK, IM GREEEEEN!!!” Lol

February142013

I wrote this short stoy just now. Guess I call it the Life Of John And Lucy. Hope you enjoy it :)

At 5, John and Lucy met each other by the swing set during recess one day. Lucy tried to impress John with how high she could swing, while he tried to impress her with how high he could jump off the swing and land on his small feet. They bonded over their love of competition and their love for playgrounds. From that day on, they played together every day at recess.
At 15, Lucy started feeling an unfamiliar giddiness when she was with John. They grew up together as friends who met on the play ground, and now, John towers over Lucy, protecting her, looking out for her, appreciating her beautiful soul more and more every day. Lucy admires and appreciates John more then she could anyone else. The petty fights, jealousy, and little rivalries as children seemed to be nothing to John, and that made Lucy so grateful. They grew up in completely different worlds that seemed to collide constantly. Two beating hearts, two seperate minds. Two different personalities. Two very strong attractions. There was a mutually growing fondness that neither John nor Lucy could ever explain.
At 18, John asked Lucy to their high school prom. They felt free-spirited and so alive, yet.. Careful. John’s feelings for Lucy continued to compress the heart in his chest until he could no longer keep it to himself. He failed to regret telling her that she was the most beautiful angel in the world, and that he wanted to be with her, because she felt something similar about him. She was longing for her prince, and that day, she felt like she found him. That was the day they decided to see if they could love.
At 25, John put a ring on Lucy. She was his queen as he was her king. They were truly in love, and cherished every day spent with each other. They spent summer nights studying constellations, naming galaxies and wishing upon stars. This was John’s life, his beautiful lady laying on his chest, was his everything. His dedication for her safety, her happiness. They were no longer separate. Their hearts melded into a single heart beat. They were one. Soul mates, lovers, spouses, and still best friends, after all this time. Lucy could never imagine her life without John. Together, they formed a foundation that supported everything between them from their childhood to today. A single swing set on a playground was the beginning of an endlessly undying, supernatural love for each other. A single swing set was the beginning of everything they ever knew together. 
At 45, Lucy and John’s children bonded over friendships that started on the same playground as that one swing set that started it all. The original swing set was taken out and replaced with newer, and brighter swings. When Lucy’s daughter shared this news with her parents, their faces looked saddened, like a memory was lost forever. Lucy then smiled and said, “It’s okay, my dear. Now, you can have your own special memories on your new playground, and someday, when you’re the same age as Papa and I, you will be sharing your stories and memories with your children.” On this day, Lucy and John learned that not every loss was sad or regretful, but a learning experience that taught them that although things may be gone, they’ll never be replaced. When things go, room is made for other things to grow. John, still towering over his beautiful wife, his queen, his childhood best friend, put his arms around her, and she felt comforted. 
At 65, Lucy was wrinkled with wisdom, her hair was starting to grey, and she was losing her sight. Her children were grown and living life out in the world. John still looked at her the same way he did when they were so young and free-spirited and still learning about life. They now shared memories of a shared life together. Her hair may have been graying, but that was still John’s princess. His beautiful angel, the woman he dedicated his life to love and protect and cherish for as long as they both shall live and beyond. The same little princess who became his queen. The same queen who started out as the girl who thought boys were gross and just wanted to play with frogs and worms. Lucy still looked at John like her handsome prince, her lovely king. The father of her beautiful children. He was balding, and his hair was grey, but she still saw the beautiful man that she loved. No matter how old they became, they were still best friends, soul mates, lovers, spouses, parents, and they were still one.
At 80, John buried himself into a sleeping bag, wishing he could feel his queen’s soft skin against his. He cuddled up with his head on a pillow, looking up at the same constellations that Lucy loved so much. He laid the blanket that they shared over himself and an empty space in the ground, put his hand against the stone beside him and said, “Lucy, I’ve loved you my entire life. You’re just as beautiful now as you were in your wedding gown. You’re just as beautiful now as the day you became the mother of my children. And you will always be my best friend, my lover, my little princess, my beautiful angel, my soul mate, my spouse, and my other half. I’ll still be here to protect you, and tower over you with love, even if you are 6 ft beneath me. Good night, Lucy, I love you.”
John put the blanket over himself, gave Lucy’s head stone a kiss good night, and fell asleep imagining the cold ground being the soft warmth of her body.

February92013
Omg girls rule, boys droool :3

Omg girls rule, boys droool :3

(Source: contraqueen, via theseventhlostboyy)

9AM

Got to talk to someone I consider my soulsister

February52013

Meri loves to run around with the brush until daddy decides it’s time to brush her hair. Little rugrat :3 she has a fascination with brooms and mops haha She’ll only like them until she has to use them xD

February42013
Cutest thing ever!!!!

Cutest thing ever!!!!

(Source: reddit.com, via the-whitecrow-paradox)

1PM

I guess my kid found it necessary to stay awake all damn night to run around. Her punishment? Staying awake all day, if she goes to sleep, I pour cold water on her. She’s old enough to know that night time is bed time, and after today she won’t make that mistake again lol

February12013

I hung up my tapestries it looks like a hippies paradise in here :3 tie dye and my faery :D

5PM

Celebrating my friend Marquis’s birthday tonite :3 Gonna be so fun! I haven’t been to a party in forever! Getting ready now, using this amazing eyeliner that you apply with a paint brush, it lasts all day and doesn’t smear or smudge, and even stays on the waterline regardless of eyes tearing up or watering :) it’s from L’Oreal Paris :D I love my cousin for getting this for mee!

← Older entries Page 1 of 66